Pain
by the serenity of death
Summary: Leo Valdez had a hard time during the war but what he didn't know was that the after math would be worse. His triumphs forgotten and Calypso abandoning him is about as much as he can take he is pushed over the edge. Will he find his mind and will to survive or will he fall into the dark tunnel of pain? rated for suicide eating disorder selfharm ect ect


Leo Valdez. When people thought of him they'd usually say one of four things:  
"His so funny!"  
"His really good at building."  
"He needs to stop flirting"  
But the last thing people said, perhaps the most common, was cold, harsh and horrible. To an outsider it may seem normal or expected but he had fought so hard to help save the day yet the last thing people would say was:  
"Who?"

The rest of the seven would instantly get a whole load of praise, smiles and general respect. Heck, even Nico got more praise and smiles than him and that kid was cold. It made him feel low, so being him he tried to make himself known. He cracked more jokes and acted more annoying, seeking the attention he so desperately craved.

But it didn't work. If anything it made everything worse. It's not that he wasn't funny he knew he was, it was how people bigger and stronger than him (so nearly everyone) took offence to him. He had been hit for particularly stupid jokes a lot and his arms and face were soon covered in bruises from angry children of Aries (though never Clarisse or some girl called Ally).

One particularly rotten day even Piper snapped at him.

"Can't you actually do something use full for once. Quit the stupid jokes and get off your fat ugly arse and do something." She had screamed at him in annoyance after he had made a joke about Jason. "I don't even know why we put up with you anymore, no wonder Calypso left you."

And he took all of it to heart. She was right he was stupid ugly and useless. No wonder Calypso went off with some minor god after Leo had used Festus to get her back, he felt so bloody useless all the time. 'get off your fat ugly arse' the words repeated in his head over and over. He wasn't fat, was he? As he looked down at his stomach he could see a little bit of a bump and felt even worse.

From then on he sparsely ate, he barley talked and didn't sleep but opted to spend his time in bunker nine trying to make something worth while for once. He didn't even want it to look good he just wanted something to do besides feeling useless. As the weeks went by a people started to notice something was wrong as the camp realized that it was way to quiet but no one really pinned it on Leo. Actually a lot of people where glad that he was keeping out of thei way. He had gotten paler, skinnier and quieter but no one really cared enough to notice.

The only person to notice was surprisingly Drew. She new the signs right from the beginning as she had been like him once so let him carry on. She could see the hurt in his haunted eyes and new that really it was all he had and no matter how cold-hearted she was she couldn't bring herself to ruin it for him like that so she just told one person about his 'problem'. She told the one person who she knew wouldn't spread it or try to tamper with Leo's life. She told Katy Elliot, daughter of Hermes and the most sarcastic brat ever. Katy didn't tell a soul but kept an eye on the boy to make sure that he didn't do anything he wouldn't live to regret.

One day, when he was working on a machine to help lose weight via exercise, he was cutting at an awkward piece of metal when the knife/saw slipped and he cut a small line on his thumb. He instantly dropped the knife and wrapped his cleanest cloth around it but in an odd way it felt relieving. For the past few days he had been feeling numb so it was a relief that he could feel at all. He took the cloth off and stared down at the wound in fascination, it felt good.

Soon the skin healed itself up and he looked down at the scab longing for the pain it had brought him yet at the same time trying to convince himself it had never felt good and it was sick and wrong. He put the saw down and sat on the workbench, running a hand over his face his thoughts wondered to camp. He wondered if anyone had even noticed that he hadn't really been there so he decided to check.

He got out the old the old invisibility cloak he had found in one of the storage rooms and put it on. He walked down the long trek to the camp and went over to where he saw the rest of the seven. all happy and laughing at something Percy said. "_you will always be the outsider, the seventh wheel. You will not find your place among your brethren"_ Nemesis' words rang in his ears, "_she was right, they where fine with out me"_ he thought.

"Have you seen Leo recently?" Frank asked as Leo got closer

"No, I can't say I'm sad about it though." Replied Annabeth "his just so annoying, did he actually do anything during the war?"  
"Unless you count moping around after the Calypso thing then no he just sat around stuffing his face." Piper said with a slight hint of bitterness in her voice.  
"C'mon guys at least he tried to add light to the situations we were in." said Percy a little annoyed at the lack of loyalty Piper showed her oldest friend.  
"But his been so frustrating lately and his practically useless anyway." Hazel said trying to get Percy to see 'reason'.

That was enough for Leo to hear he walked back to bunker 9 his friends word's ringing in his ears. He thought back to what he had done earlier and the sense of relief that it brought before he knew it a small pocket knife was aligned on his skin and he pressed down against his wrist making a cut across his lightly tanned skin. It felt like he could finally breath. He let out a hiss as the pain started but savoured every second of it. Soon the blood stopped along with the pain and he felt himself missing it so made a few more cuts on his skin. He cleared them up and went to bed on his makeshift bed he had made in the bunker.

Months had passed and Leo only ate a square of ambrosia when he felt faint to keep him alive. His skin had become thin, paper-like and paler than Nico Di-Angelo's and it clung to his razor-sharp protruding bones. He had a mass build up of scars upon his wrists and had to move onto his legs and (lack of) stomach. The sting of a razor had started to wear off so he had started finding other ways to hurt himself. He had started 'accidentally' falling over or ramming himself into things, he started binge drinking till he was to drunk to even know his name, he smoked all sorts of crap, he got into some weird bright pills a son of Aphrodite had given him that helped you to lose weight but hurt like hell and got into every addiction there is.

One day he snapped. There was nothing particularly different about that day but he had had enough. He got a piece of paper and a pencil and scribbled down a note.

_Dear whoever cares enough to read this_

_This is it the final laugh, the final joke but this time there will be no encore. I just can't live like this anymore. I don't want to be the useless one anymore, I hate this sorry excuse for a world. No one cares and I am alone. Even the Goddess of revenge says so. When talking to me she said "you will always be the outsider, the seventh wheel. You will not find your place among your brethren" and she was right. You all made that very clear._

_I'm sorry for never being good enough, for not being use full enough, for messing up constantly and for not being as strong as the rest of you guys or as smart or as nice or as perfect. I'm sorry to my mum and what I did to her. I'm sorry to her family and what they had to put up with. I'm sorry to Frank for what happened with Hazel. I'm sorry to Annabeth for being to silly when times got serious. I'm sorry to Jason for holding you back. I'm sorry to Percy for trying to be the funny one. I'm sorry to Hazel for reminding you of Sammy which must of hurt like hell. I'm sorry to Calypso for not being good enough for you to stay. But most of all I'm sorry Piper, for bot being there for being too annoying for hurting you for being to lazy and i promise you I tried to change I promise. I listened to what you said and tried all I could to change but I'm to weak, I'm sorry for that too._

_I never thought I die alone I laughed the loudest who'da known I'm too depressed to go on. I never conquered, rarely came 16 just held such better days, days when I still felt alive. Another six months I'll be unknown. Give all my things to all my friends you'll never step foot in my room again The world was wide, too late to try the war was over we'd survived. I couldn't wait till I got home to pass the time in my room alone. Sometimes it feels like nobody gets me, trapped in a world where everyone hates me, there's so much that I'm going through. I was broken, I was choking, I was lost, I was bleeding stopped believing, I was down, I was drowning and now I have finally gave in. Heaven's gates won't open up for me with these broken wings I'm fallin'_

_Ha, look at me the guy so pathetic that half my suicide note is bloody song lyrics and Nickelback an' all. I'm alright I think, it only hurts whilst I breath. My chest hurts like hell, I don't think I even need the rope to die. I'm hungry but the idea of eating seems almost foreign now. I haven't in days. To be honest you could slit my throat and I'd just apologize for getting blood on you. Today I realized how little I mean to you nothing will change when I'm gone you'll just carry on living your own lives. _

_This is it, the final time I'll runaway. As I write this my hand shakes, my heartbeat slows, my rope rocks and I cry but no tears come. I think I'm all out of feelings now, I can't live like this anymore. From your flame boy, lighting 'em up for one final time._

_Goodbye_

He stopped writing and put down the pen. He stood up and went over to the chair under the noose he had hung from a pipe. He got up on the chair. He put his head through. A single tear dripped down his face. _goodbye_ he whispered.

He closed his eyes and kicked the chair back.

**_The end_**

**A/n this is the longest thing I've ever written in one part. 1895 words not including this. I may write a sequel ya never know. I may write two, i have too many ideas.**  
**DEDICATION TO MY BESTIE Adara has been wanting this for a while so DEDI.**


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